I am here in this new place and wondering how my friends are... wondering who my new friends will be and thinking about how all this will unfold over the next several weeks/months/years...
There is something refreshing about starting over in a new place. i may have to find out what that is and sort out all of the bittersweetness in my heart. i miss where i was, and yet i am excited to be here. i think those who are in my old hometown will miss me - but for how long? their lives are the same - the same faces, places and routines will keep them busy and in time my face won't belong there any more. my life is completely different - no familiar faces, places or routines... i keep busy just trying to maintain. unpacking things that need to find a new place in this house i'm trying to make feel like "home."
Time goes on... as does life... just what will become of mine?
5 comments:
as someone who has moved 23 times since i was 22 years old, i'd like to say that life goes on. as your friend of many, many years, i'll say that you'll never be forgotten! (by me - just ask my other friends in hawaii, california, pennsylvania, arizona, etc.) i have a hard time letting go.....
always remember that your good friends will love you no matter where you are and what you're doing. i think you already know that!
peace & love
what's strange about the profession of "pastor's wife" is that it's not really up to us when or if we move... it just seems to be where the Spirit leads. part of me thinks that is absolutely messed up. what if i don't WANT to leave?! i suppose Jonah asked the same thing.
i do know that my good friends will love no matter where or what - it's just i can't imagine being in this place without those good friends. who is going to have tea with me and laugh until we cry at body function humor? you should know that THAT will never be replaced by anyone. and i'm thinking that my email list can only get so long. it's like i'm saying i don't want any more friends because i don't want to have to say goodbye again.
You're words made me cry! :(
How strange is it for me to be married to a husband who doesn't give a crap about anyone elses feelings & doesn't need friends?
I know that you know, I didn't have a choice when we moved up to this desolate hill in the middle of "NO FRIENDSVILLE!" I know that I'm much closer to friends than you are. Isn't it all about being happy? Am I happy? I kept thinking that when the shop was done, I'd be happy or when the yard was done, I'd be happy or when pool was done, I'd be happy. None of that makes me happy. Living in town & being close to friends made me happy. I know this doesn't compare to being 800+ miles away from all your loved ones, however, I do know a little bit about how you feel. I didn't want to go either!
When we moved up here from S. Cal. I DIDN'T WANT any friends. I was homesick for a place that I only lived for a short time because of the friends I had made there. I was a homebody up here for 2 years - I took the kids to preschool and went to the park w/them by myself. I didn't make a friend until I had to start working.
It does SUCK not being able to hang out, have tea and laugh till we cry about cabbage farts!! No one else understands that type of humor. My other friends think it's gross. We'll just have to make up for lost time when we do get to see eachother! Maybe we should save some of this stuff to talk about on our "ROADTRIP!" Nah...I don't think we'll be at a loss for words!
Does any of this make sense?
Don't think of it as saying goodbye, just cya soon!
G - I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't need friends, and didn't FEEL anything for others. We never would have made this move if Joe thought for a moment that i really didn't want to be here. He must have asked me dozens of times to make sure that he wasn't just doing this just for him. We both really wanted to stay in the pdx/vanc area, but it just wasn't happening that way...
Glendra, you are such an amazing person -- you deserve much better than what is given you. I know that K has probably had a miserable life, that doesn't give him a reason to make YOUR life miserable.
You talked about what you thought would make you happy...and none of those things did. I think you maybe also think that those things might make K happy too? And, well... maybe not. And, who knows WHAT will make him happy. What you maybe should think about is that it's NOT YOUR JOB to make him happy... it's his job to find his own happiness... and since he's married to you, you would think that would be a source of happiness for him. And him for you. If this isn't happening then something just isn't right.
I don't know... I just know that even when joe and i aren't seeing eye to eye about something, we try not to go to bed angry with each other (sometimes that just CAN'T be helped - mostly because i'm the silent resentful one i must admit), but most of the time we stop. we re-connect. we apologize for being idiots. we work it out... because ultimately we make each other happy and can't imagine not being with each other.
Can you imagine that? what would your life be without him? happier? peaceful? calm? productive? describe both scenarios to me - and see the possibilities.
PEACE & LOVE belong to you...
Peace and love, tears of joy, kindness of strangers. All of your roads paved in gold by guardian angels.
Wherever you may be in this world my salutation says it all.
May you always have enough peace and love.
I have never even thought about what my life would be like without K. At this time in my life, I think I need to cowgirl up and deal with things. In the past, I've always run away; got the hell out of dodge; and I told myself that I wouldn't do that anymore. I'm done running! I don't know what it'll take to make things seem better for ME; lots of prayer, time, trying harder. I have heard that it takes changing one thing at a time.
In all honesty, K was trying much harder when he was seeing his therapist. It's been about 3 months since he's been there and I've noticed a big difference!
My sponsor tells me that a person is only as happy as they choose to be and it's my responsibility to make MYSELF happy. Most of my life has been spent making others happy, and that's OK! Seeing someone else being happy, makes me happy (I'm sure I get this from my mom) Anyway....in listening at meetings, I've been hearing that taking care of myself is just as important. That's why I decided-come hell or high water-I'm going to roadtrip w/you! That WILL make me happy! I'll be doing something for ME (a few days off to relax and regroup) and sharing in some fun with a friend! I've been told that I'm a totally different person when I'm not around K or the k's. If K doesn't understand that it's not always all about him, that's his problem!!! I'm getting too old to have to worry about absolutely every little thing that bothers him. I certainly don't want to end up being a miserable old bitch with 12 cats!
Thanks for your Peace & Love!
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